#1 MAN : Like ~ Infatuation ~ Affair ~ Friendship ~ Love

I know, I know it is one of the most common , most discussed or rather most ruminated subjects in the World across ages, regions and what not. But there are things that no matter how much we talk about there is always something left unsaid and this is one such subject. Every person believes that they are an expert on this subject matter and yes, you are an expert in your own right. This blog being mine and i considering myself one such expert will give you my take on it, if you disagree with it write your own freaking BLOG.

Before i begin , to all those snobs out there who think too highly of themselves this page is specially for YOU. I would also like to clarify that all the opinions i express here are totally based on things i have come across and my views on what i have seen. How i think, behave and act is not the only basis for my writing. You don't need to wonder about how good/bad my life has or has not been based on what i write. I will take up the guy's side of things for the obvious reason that i can tell you about my world without second guessing anything. Though i regard myself to be a good navigator of the women's side of things i am trying to act a tab bit humble and am staying away from that for now. So gals read carefully and you will gain some knowledge of what we are thinking in our heads(I know that you think 'sex' is all we think about and you may be right on most counts but there are other important little things too ). Sorry guys for letting them know that we are not as simple minded as women believe us to be, on second thought i am not !

 

Men Like ALL Women :

The line says it all. There are no exceptions. Get this thing clearly in your head. It doesn't matter how you look, your age, weight, height, complexion or any physical feature we like you. All you have to worry about it how much more we like the next one. What most women misunderstand is this very fact. We like you doesn't mean anything more than we like you. Maybe our like is different from your like. We may give you more attention than is necessary than the other gal beside you but as i said before that is because we like you more than her. Men are not pigs or dogs , men are monkeys. We are attracted to shiny objects , we act obsessed but it is for a short while , we move on to better shinny objects. However not all men follow this pattern for long. To each his own. Each man over time develops a schema of the tolerable women in his heads, and when he does come across her , the like , obsess and move on phase takes a turn to other aspects.

Men have a crush every other day :

With the horribly askew sex ratio and thanks to the millenia of reinforcement men are constantly on the look out for a suitable mate. Add to this boiling pot of testosterone the constant stream of cosmetically enhanced herbally treated beautifully dressed women and he is bound to fall for every other her. Crush goes beyond like. Most crushes won't make sense in the long run. The schema men carry are not a solid prioritized list of things though the top few qualities i assume are common across men. Size does matter and yes bigger the better. So effectively for men to have a crush on you, means he has not gone beyond what he can see and perceive in the first 5 seconds of your meeting. The better built you are(keep in mind , better here is subjective to the pool of women this man in consideration has exposure to and not to how you may see yourself) the more chances of he skipping to the crush phase with you. The crush phase is usually characterized by drooling(figuratively), complementing you(men don't complement you unless they are atleast in this phase ~ men like too many women to complement all the women they like), checking up on your eating habits or general well being and foremost warding off or atleast trying to ward off potential competition. We guys talk extraaaaa sweet to you(ladies) on your face and talk horrible shit about you when we are among other guys who know you and that is because we have a crush on you, don't want other guys to succeed where we failed and we know you are out of our league !! I know we are horrible, but Animal live by the code ~ Anything and Everything to get an edge !

From the crush phase depending on how women react men move to Friendship or Affair phases

Men believe in Multiple Affairs:

 

This phase i most loathe but like any other guy enjoy the most as long as it lasts. Affair is purely physical. The cravings of our body, driven solely by lust. Men know that she is the wrong fit , there is no future and are in it just for SEX.  We try and keep the relation as shallow as possible , steering clear from forming any bond with the women's family , friends or anything that would make things too real. In case it becomes impossible for us to employ evasive tactics we have a great ability to zone out your droning and act as if we care(We don't care and we put up with you because we were foolish enough not to plan for a back up). We may simultaneously be traveling in multiple boats because we are not prepared to put up with any single woman's crap and when one boat is low we jump ship and when that starts to sink we jump to another which is sailing high winds. The women we are with match the schema we have in our heads just enough to let us barely put up with them. The minute we find a greener pasture we move on. This is the phase where the crush comes to wither and die.

Men commit faster to Friendships(comparatively):

 

Have given it a fair bit of thought but never sure of whether this phase is good or bad. There are a multitude of reasons to get to this phase and scores of choices to leave this phase. From the phase of crush most move on to the affair phase when the response from the naive women is encouraging. But occasionally the signals are encouraging and terrifying at the same time. We men know this women is much more than a crush, she is special but how special we are not sure. We confide in them, allow them to make changes in our lives consciously or unconsciously. Let them interrupt during our marathon gaming sessions(These are first signs of things getting serious). The schema in our heads seems to be morphing , we are not matching this women to the schema but the schema to the women. These women tend to alter our idea of the ideal women. We may not agree but we love this. We love the attention, no matter how old you are women have the ability to turn men to kids who are insecure and who crave attention n care. We thrive in friendships because it is a commitment without the actual restrain of monogamy(Life is still flexible). They make their own space in our messy world's. These friends may be come an integral part of our lives who we adore and love(in a cross between sisterly motherly friendly weird sort of way which falls neither here nor there). And at times these women become the center stones of our world. Then you know you are heading for some deep shit trouble !!! And god forbid if over the years the women reciprocates the same feelings then you are smack in LOVE !

Men really do fall very very deeply in LOVE(You have to be sure it is love for this to be true):

 

Love is very hard to find. Men believe in Love too but they also believe it rarely happens. We grudgingly take the leap but we enjoy the fall more than anything else. Love is not a complicated matter that needs a super computer to be understood for Men. If we listen to your crap and we sport a genuine smile on our faces then we know we love you. Men fall in love and the schema in their heads goes for a toss. The kind of a woman you are , how ever annoying or stupid you maybe you are the most amazing thing to have happened to us. When you become the center of our world, our whole life will run around you. We will turn our lives up side down to make things work and keep you happy. It is no competition but if it were , men beat women at love. We understand the gravity of love and how precious and rare it is. We do boink around a lot but when we do fall for you, you are the world to us. No one and nothing matters more. True love withstands time and turmoil. It is like the hunt for Aliens or God, usually the non believers are the ones to find them first !

~ In all the phases there is a simple short way out other than going to the next phase, you just quit and move on to some one else and start over. Or else it may happen that you thought you quit but you may return and continue the progress but the way a phase is structured mostly stays the same.

*Also to be noted, the typical relationship cycle , or the societal definition of a successful relationship cycle ends with a Marriage which i have not accounted for. That demands another blog post all by itself so i am putting it aside for a future time.

** Please do note, i am writing only about normal men who are humans , at points i may treat them and consider them animalistic and objectify women but that is strictly in lines of man is a social animal. I am in no way endorsing the sick inhuman so called MEN of our society committing atrocities against women. If you find anything offensive i would be glad to remove that. All things i have said are in context of normal social interactions between sexes without any malice or brutality. Only with the context of intimate relationships being established or pursued. My intent was only to humor and any ill will if expressed was not intentional.

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Don't agree with what i said, leave a comment, let's see you prove me Wrong !
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Let your work do the talking not your CLOCK

Don't be this GUY ~ Just to clarify he is a donkey not an ASS, that you can be

Given a choice i would not have chosen to write on this topic but Can't help it. The allure of trashing established ideas is too scintillating to ignore. I will begin by accepting that i am not an expert of this subject. That i believe is not a prerequisite to pointing out alternative ways of doing WORK in our country.


I have a fair bit of experience with the booming or rather once booming IT industry of our country. Some senior citizens of the industry may consider my experience miniscule but as the saying goes you just need a grain of rice to know the state of the dish. Work specifically desk jobs with officially 9 hour shifts which stretch into 10,11, 12 sometimes even 14 hour shifts are unsaid norms of our system. Expressing any dissent about it is strictly frowned upon. It is believed that the amount of time you spend working is directly proportional to the amount and quality of work you do.


The basis to this stupidity is the ideology that Time is Money and Work leads to Money so Time is Work. Well yes and no, time is money not because of its monetary value but because its value is best ascribed as money. As Money gives you the ability to acquire and own things, depending on how much of it you have, Time well utilized will give you the means to all that you need. Money is for materialistic pursuits, Time is for all pursuits.   


Anyone with the faintest idea of Pareto principle will see that in all the time that you spend working only 20 percent of the time is productive and the rest of the 80 is insignificant. I have personally seen scores of resources spending huge amounts of time enhancing the aesthetic appeal of their work. This process actually consumes more time than it took to get the work done in the first place. Our managers encourage this. In a shroud of time management and optimization, resources are assigned menial tasks that are labour intensive, physical or mental, with huge appetites in terms of time consumption.


I am not encouraging you to sit on your bum and do nothing. All i am saying is just because your organization expects you to take 8 hours to get your work done you need to take 8 hours. You get paid to get the work done not to take 8 hours to get the work done. The time is given to you with buffer, nothing is limiting you to be faster, better and efficient. Challenge the dictum. Question your managers about the purpose of your assignments. As long as your targets are reached they don't control your time.


I am quite aware of the argument of  if you have finished your assigned work go the extra mile , take an initiative and do something other than what is expected. Well when i fell short of my deliverable was any such courtesy or support extended, was i told you have spent your 8 hrs, go home and get the work done later tomorrow. One may choose to go the extra mile but that has to be out of choice not because it is expected of him not because he will be ostricized if he doesn't. It is already bad enough that people in our country are expected to excel at academics, there is no sense in expecting people to drive themselves to the ground working chafing their asses off. I get the work done and with the rest of the time i do what i wish to do. So i am content , your work is on track , everyone is happy, i am more productive. You can only appreciate the effect of content employee only when you have had one under you.


A select few dance their way out of the system day in and day out. They understand the Pareto well enough to get their work done in a few hours and have fun or pursue a passion or take on more work in the rest of the time. This for me is actual time management. I don't agree with a lot of things Infosys does but i will take a leaf from the alleged mail that Mr. N.R. Narayana Murthy sent to his employees. Roughly summarized he said get a life. When your shift of 9 or 9.5 hours ends, get out of the office, stop kissing your bosses ass as your boss's boss's boss me am not impressed by idiots. Here i would make an exception to what i preach, work in the shift, the whole hours for here is a man who understands and respects your time so respect his PAY !

~ Time is Money, not Work !

Reinvent, Recycle and Reuse ~ It can be applied to YOU too

There are some jewels that have to be acknowledge however grudgingly. "Ignorance is Bliss" is one such piece. If cycle of life is your cocoon of happiness and to fly is not your dream you may as well close the page and get back to what you were doing. For once the questions begin, no answer other than the one true unique answer will let you be in peace.

Success is not over rated , the way society defines success definitely is. No offense to all the people who have done or are doing or will do their graduation and post graduation in engineering, medicine , management, law and a few other Indian Mindset accepted professions but the Indian Version of what can and cannot be taken up for a career SUCKS !!! 

I hear a lot of opposition to the idea of pursuing any profession which is not main stream, their point of argument is that you won't be able to make a living in that field. Well i ask all you skeptics this ~ How many positions are available for the so called mainstream professions ? how many people are available to fill those positions ? how many of the mainstream discharges are making a living out of what they studied ? Tried and Tested means you just know what the outcome will be , it doesn't imply that the outcome will be something that is universally right. 

The counter argument that the group of rebels have stuffed their heads with , the ideas drawn from movies or some other mambo jumbo the social media has cooked up, that follow you passion and success will be yours is also CRAP ! Just because you sow the seed doesn't guarantee you a GREAT crop for that matter even a bad crop is not guaranteed. Not everyone will be number 1. Well you can't be that dumb not to know that there is only one one. 

You , me , everyone is breed to adhere to a system. System set up on ideas, rules, principles and practices that made sense when they were first coined but have no more relevance in the current day. Especially ones built taking into account a Group and not the individual. Point lost on most is that "Change is the only eternal truth" and even the most well planned systems have to be retired some day. You can wish to reach the stars but when you don't break out of your boxed packaging, placed around you to protect your fresh mint condition, you will stay safe, clean, pristine and in the box all your life.

Fact of the matter is that be it conventional or non conventional, it is not the choice that is under question here but the questions should be Why do you do what you do ? What is success for you ? "Beg but be the best beggar" is just slotting begging into the same philosophy of "the best survive and the rest perish", this is the idea that we should be challenging. We get offended when hard core biologists call us animals but when we can't move on from the laws of the Jungle how are we any better from them. 

Being unique is each and everyone's right and something to cherish. It doesn't guarantee you anything other than giving you a skill set that no one else in the world can have. In a population of over 7 Billion people you still mange to be unique is saying something. If you can't appreciate that about yourself then I DON'T CARE anymore !

~ Boundary is a limit and any limitation is a hindrance to growth