Humans evolved as social beings. This statement always makes we wonder whether humanity's experiment with social co-habitation has been a success or failure. Further it begets the question of how far we have come in the process of achieving a perfect social construct. Does social evolution still have a way to go or are we in the phase of devolving. This is too broad of a subject matter for me to tackle in a post. So i will rather talk about the challenges and complexity of maintaining a balance within the family as seen in the present times.
Before i dwell deeper lets consider how a social animal benefits overall by giving up certain privileges. A codependent group habitation ensures that the weak have a chance to survive and provides relative safety. For the strong the authority to command is compensation for tolerating and providing for the weak. Power usually is not given its due credit but is just below basic human need for food, clothing and shelter. It is a necessary evil for the sustained existence of the social family construct.
However due to the normalizing impact of advanced technology, Healthcare, Food production, automation and liberation of individualism the social construct may be yielding more troubles than perks that it can provide. The definitions of strong and weak, master and member, hunter and gatherer, wise and ignorant, the roles are all losing their cohesion and relevance. As equalization is growing, the claims to power or rejection of authority; cause for emergence of competing interests, forces, egos, views and ideas. And clashes emerge as various members of the family cling to archaic positions or as others attempt to maximize their utility.
Now that is a rather bird's eye view on the matter. To make my views more closer to home i will focus on the family dynamics of the Baron Family as seen in the show ,"Everybody Loves Raymond". I realize it is a comedy show and i love the show for what it is but it is difficult for me not to notice the bubbling cauldron of family conflicts that the show presents. I would also like to emphasize that a family stems from the seed of marriage and so one couple will form the central pin around which the family will grow or collide. So Ray and Debra will be the linchpin for my analysis as they were for the show.
It has been my general observation that sitcoms across the world irrespective of cultures, languages and genres present conflicts and resolutions within relationships as a natural self-resolving inevitable cycle that in the end always aids in the growth of interpersonal relations. I wouldn't go as far as to say that this is a totally made up thing. But the cycles are not necessarily positive. Instead in most cases the resolutions are never smooth and on occasion even non-existent. It could be seen as ironic that like a cast signs contracts binding them to a show as long as it is on air, the members of a family are bound together by an unstated contract that is binding as long as the equilibrium between power, benefits and grief is maintained. And like a show when a breach of contract occurs the family unravels at an equally astonishing speed.
Let me take a stand for the ease of making things clear. I believe it will be sensible for me to take up the position of Raymond within context of the post. Raymond's basic connections stand as Marrie's beloved son, Debra's idiotic but endearing husband, one of Frank's bothersome but famous son, Robert's annoying but protected brother. The clashes being Marrie's over baring influence and interference in her son's life and family, Frank's plain disregard for behaving like a sensible adult, Robert's constant jealousy and mopping about his life and Debra's power struggles with his mom.
The show presents an ideal context of how the so called 'LOVE' is used for the devious purpose of tormenting and manipulating one or the other person within the family. In the guise of Love people are bent to one's will into positions that they would never willingly place themselves. A person, in most cases Debra the daughter-in-law is pushed to compromise to ensure harmony. My beef with this being the placement of family harmony on a pedestal. How much is too much. Why is the line drawn clearly for the daughter-in-law ? a line that she is perceived to have crossed whenever she takes any kind of stand. But is not a problem that Marrie seems to have. Anything and everything she does gets a pass as her behavior stems from Love and concern for the family. Just because Marrie is a better manipulator of emotions and yields more control, she is always right. Raymond never stays objective in his role as an arbiter in the family conflicts. His usual argument is that his mom is too stubborn and would never relinquish her hold so it falls to Debra to be the bigger person and give ground. I can relate to the difficulty of being placed between a rock and a hard place but one can always know when you are taking the easy way out from that tricky place. And Raymond always chooses the soft easy way out of snubbing Debra in public and patronizing her privately.
This specific establishment of hierarchy based on ill conceived ideas of family roles, values and virtues is forcing the family structure into a place where it is being seen more and more as a shackle. The hypocrisy of the neutral family member, switching on what/who is right depending on which person has the most to repeal if declared to have been on the wrong is the root culprit. The only way i forsee for humans to continue being a social animal is to embrace the idea of openness and flexibility of roles. Realization that just because my previous generation did things a certain way doesn't mean that is the only way things can be done and should be done today will take things a long way. There are no hard and fast rules for having a happy content family. You constantly have to re-calibrate and reform to ensure no one person is left to bare the burden of maintaining harmony. Compromise is unavoidable but that doesn't need to be at the cost of one's individuality. Open communication no matter how hard to say or hear is crucial and when cultivated will open the doors for the final phase of our evolution as social beings.
No comments:
Post a Comment