Systemic and Malicious Apathy veiled under the shroud of prudence and concern

White Knight or the unwanted help

 

 The actions of the white knight can have profound consequences for the damsel irrespective of whether she is in distress or otherwise. It is obvious how his actions are futile, superfluous and frivolous when she isn't under any duress. Even if she is in distress, his help maybe unwarranted , unwelcomed and unwanted . In such cases, his help is more of an additional burden and unintended stress on an already precarious plight. The white knight by nature, assumes the saviour role pushing the damsel into the role of helpless when she may see the perils as just another obstacle she needs to overcome in order to sharpen her edge. In his delusional mind, the knight may inflate his role as pivotal to her survivial and subsequent splendor but her reality may disagree. Not all woes are happenstance and in many cases intentional. The Damsel's plan may very well be to dive of the cliff , tumble, bump and bruise, even mortality may be acceptable as long as it is on her terms. It is not the white knight's prerogative to make a call on what level of risk and reward is acceptable or unacceptable to the damsel. To the damsel, he is just being self-righteous by trying to force his help onto her. When not asked for, help is not an answer to a plea but triggers an involuntary flee. To the damsel, the act of going through the ordeal, irrespective of its utility and successful pass through, may in itself carry immeasurable value. The white knight is plainly unwelcome in most cases and an uninvolved audience in the best of cases. This realization may be the first of many steps where the white knight transcends truly from his self obsorbed way to a more virtuous path.

False Memories, False Promises and False Hope

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PS: There is Nothing here because there never was. It was always this, an empty hollow shell.

Looking Forward to the Past

 

Never imagined there would be days where i would be lost for words. Words that always seemed to flow endlessly  from the recess of my brain and heart into the void of space, have ceased any and all movement. It isn't that i have all of a sudden stopped feeling or over thinking but the opposite. My senses seemed overwhelmed to a point that they are paralyzed, stuck in a cycle of wanting things that were never possible even way back when and are damn right impossible now. It is absurd to the point of being silly and sad but if it were that easy to give up, forget and move on then it would never be haunting me even after a decade.

As time passes and the memories seem to fade you are left with pieces that when brought together may indeed be weaving a falsehood but who is to say that the falsehoods weren't built on truths that were harder to take note then than now. Distance has a benefit of showing new perspectives, perspectives that are obscured by their immediacy. But at the same time it is undeniable that the perspectives from such distances have the obvious flaw of glossing over all the details, the minutia that made all the difference. Whether the minutia is significant and out weighs the greater impressions of the past events is a point of constant debate that is being ragged in my head every day.

 

Looking back seems to raise more questions and the sheer number of questions that seem to crop up makes me wonder how it is that the past can hold so many mysteries when they seemed to be complete while i lived through them.Was it all a dream or am i recollecting them all wrong because the consequences have jaded my perspective. But if the results weren't what they were made out to be is it so wrong to think that the events that led up to those unintended results were just inevitable and i was deluding myself into ignoring all the questions that i seem to be able to see now.

 

I can't help but question if the feelings i felt, the words i was told, the things that were done and the events that happened were as genuine as i took them to be. If their value now is so cheap were they truly as precious. Value can fluctuate in the market when many people hedge their bets but when only two parties are involved and time manages to trash their shared experience something must have been wrong to begin with. 

If one of the two was just an unwilling participant then the value was never truly going to last long for it was a forced sale to begin with. All things, feelings, thoughts, actions and choices would be considered under the influence and hence be tainted. If all you think you knew of the past turns out to be false then how do you take the next step into the future. Where do you gain the confidence to move forward ? This is the question, the crux of reminiscing that seems to be holding me in place. The calendar says its 2021 but I don't seemed to have gone past 2013.

Religion ruined Eggs for me!

Disclaimer

If your faith is too fragile and your God too egotistical to hear any criticism then don't proceed further. Don't get me wrong i am not against your notion of higher power that may or may not govern the world. I am in its truest sense all for that greater power but i also detest what we humans have managed to do with the idea. I am not an atheist, i am closer to being agnostic and i am anti-religion. [In sight of full disclosure - More so some than others] 

___________________________________________________________________________

Eggs or Chicken what came first is an age old conundrum. The answer may indeed be more profound as it unlocks the association of religion with God. Now that the simile is out there let us all agree that eggs came first because they did. This may be a tangent but this will loop around to my original topic so bare with me. I will attempt to make the process as granular as possible to minimize people's attempt to put words in my mouth. 

Assumptions i will build my case on:

1. God does exist. [I am open to the idea that he may not exist, i am cool either way]

Also Animals came first. Evolution happened and is happening. This is not in the assumptions because this is a fact and if you can't deal with it then you can shove your Creationism up and down your holes.

Even though God exists and has existed since the dawn of time billions of years ago we[Humans] have known him only since religion took shape just a few thousand years ago. And God is God only if he follows the definitions as set by The Preachers, Fathers, Gurus, Pundits, Holy-men, Saints, Clergymen, Fakirs, Prophets or whatever they are called in that particular religion. They would argue otherwise/stone you in most instances when you disagree but Let me explain my reasoning.

 [If logic is not your cup of tea then please consider yourself most welcome to rant otherwise at me in the comments section] 

Religion is the practices, literature, rituals, dos and don't that are followed today and enforced or propagated by various groups, institutes, people etc., who claim themselves to be the custodians of that particular religion. God is the Chicken and Religion is the Egg. The chicken was always there , the egg is only the starting line where you come to associate it with end product something called a chicken. If you do track the story of evolution, the egg did come first but the eggs didn't just produce a chicken, they produced other things, reptiles, amphibians, other birds and even some mammals. But for us eggs can only be associated with certain things that we know of. Eggs and birds have been over generated force fed into our heads and to form a compulsive association. Religion binds the expansive idea of God which is difficult to comprehend and packages it into this very abstraction.

Take any religion and this analogy will still apply. Your egg of a religion will tell you that the egg will grow into a chicken/duck/crane/swan and only this animal and that is the only true form that an egg can ever take. The egg can and should be incubated only in a particular way for a particular time and only then the product is what they tell you it is. No  deviations are tolerated and any mistake is blasphemous, a sin that will condemn you to hell. Well not all eggs are the same and everyone doesn't what to have chicken/duck/crane/swan, some people may want an iguana/echidna/snake/something that doesn't even come out of an egg. 

Religion places a shackle on the human spirit and defines what falls within the boundaries of God's approved ways of behavior and unapproved behaviors. Religion forces you to say that life that spawns from an egg no matter what its true nature is always a chicken and that is the only true form. And if you force them to see the reality that what came out was not a chicken then they will ostracize you as a non-believer out to destroy their piety.  Blame you for corrupting the proper process to care for the egg and call you a deviate. 

However, human propensity for idiocy doesn't end with this shocking revelation. The story of the person who realized that the egg resulted in a duck instead of the usual chicken will go on. He moved on to form a different religion propagated the ideal that his duck was the only truth. The chicken was masquerading as the truth but in reality the duck is the true form of the egg. People who have seen ducks instead of chicken slowly begin to gather as the number swells on this side of the argument, battles to establish unity in view ensue.

This happens over and over again. Each time a new threat to the norm will come, realize the eggs result in something other than what the present religion keeps saying, get punished for challenging the norm, turned into a martyr over time and a new religion is built on this new egg end-product. The truth never was just what one person observed and proclaimed as the only truth. Just because you see it doesn't mean others' experiences are any less true. If your way encroaches and subdues someone else then it is no worship of god. You insult the grandeur and magnanimity of life and its unlimited possibilities by limiting the forms to just a chicken/duck/swan/crane.

As life is not defined and limited by that singular form so is god, not limited by the insane rigid practices and stupid ideas that religions attempt to pawn off on us. Life as godly as it gets and breaking away from the norm is often times a better appreciation of what God stands for. 

I possibly made you hungry if you love eggs and are a non vegetarian or may have repulsed you as you are a vegan or a vegetarian but if that is your take away then slap yourself. The post is not about eggs but about God. God is not a book, an idol, a stone, a tree, an animal, a symbol, he is not limited, he is not concrete, he is not narcissistic, worried about every small move that you make and he doesn't care that you love him or you don't. God just is.  

Blood, Bone and Boundaries

Humans evolved as social beings. This statement always makes we wonder whether humanity's experiment with social co-habitation has been a success or failure. Further it begets the question of how far we have come in the process of achieving a perfect social construct. Does social evolution still have a way to go or are we in the phase of devolving. This is too broad of a subject matter for me to tackle in a post. So i will rather talk about the challenges and complexity of maintaining a balance within the family as seen in the present times. 

Before i dwell deeper lets consider how a social animal benefits overall by giving up certain privileges. A codependent group habitation ensures that the weak have a chance to survive and provides relative safety. For the strong the authority to command is compensation for tolerating and providing for the weak. Power usually is not given its due credit but is just below basic human need for food, clothing and shelter. It is a necessary evil for the sustained existence of the social family construct.

However due to the normalizing impact of advanced technology, Healthcare, Food production, automation and liberation of individualism the social construct may be yielding more troubles than perks that it can provide. The definitions of strong and weak, master and member, hunter and gatherer, wise and ignorant, the roles are all losing their cohesion and relevance. As equalization is growing, the claims to power or rejection of authority; cause for emergence of competing interests, forces, egos, views and ideas. And clashes emerge as various members of the family cling to archaic positions or as others attempt to maximize their utility.

 Now that is a rather bird's eye view on the matter. To make my views more closer to home i will focus on the family dynamics of the Baron Family as seen in the show ,"Everybody Loves Raymond". I realize it is a comedy show and i love the show for what it is but it is difficult for me not to notice the bubbling cauldron of family conflicts that the show presents. I would also like to emphasize that a family stems from the seed of marriage and so one couple will form the central pin around which the family will grow or collide. So Ray and Debra will be the linchpin for my analysis as they were for the show.

 

It has been my general observation that sitcoms across the world irrespective of cultures, languages and genres present conflicts and resolutions within relationships as a natural self-resolving inevitable cycle that in the end always aids in the growth of interpersonal relations. I wouldn't go as far as to say that this is a totally made up thing. But the cycles are not necessarily positive. Instead in most cases the resolutions are never smooth and on occasion even non-existent. It could be seen as ironic that like a cast signs contracts binding them to a show as long as it is on air, the members of a family are bound together by an unstated contract that is binding as long as the equilibrium between power, benefits and grief is maintained. And like a show when a breach of contract occurs the family unravels at an equally astonishing speed.

Let me take a stand for the ease of making things clear. I believe it will be sensible for me to take up the position of Raymond within context of the post. Raymond's basic connections stand as Marrie's beloved son, Debra's idiotic but endearing husband, one of Frank's bothersome but famous son, Robert's annoying but protected brother. The clashes being Marrie's over baring influence and interference in her son's life and family, Frank's plain disregard for behaving like a sensible adult, Robert's constant jealousy and mopping about his life and Debra's power struggles with his mom. 

The show presents an ideal context of how the so called 'LOVE' is used for the devious purpose of tormenting and manipulating one or the other person within the family. In the guise of Love people are bent to one's will into positions that they would never willingly place themselves. A person, in most cases Debra the daughter-in-law is pushed to compromise to ensure harmony. My beef with this being the placement of family harmony on a pedestal. How much is too much. Why is the line drawn clearly for the daughter-in-law ? a line that she is perceived to have crossed whenever she takes any kind of stand. But is not a problem that Marrie seems to have. Anything and everything she does gets a pass as her behavior stems from Love and concern for the family. Just because Marrie is a better manipulator of emotions and yields more control, she is always right. Raymond never stays objective in his role as an arbiter in the family conflicts. His usual argument is that his mom is too stubborn and would never relinquish her hold so it falls to Debra to be the bigger person and give ground. I can relate to the difficulty of being placed between a rock and a hard place but one can always know when you are taking the easy way out from that tricky place. And Raymond always chooses the soft easy way out of snubbing Debra in public and patronizing her privately.

This specific establishment of hierarchy based on ill conceived ideas of family roles, values and virtues is forcing the family structure into a place where it is being seen more and more as a shackle. The hypocrisy of the neutral family member, switching on what/who is right depending on which person has the most to repeal if declared to have been on the wrong is the root culprit. The only way i forsee for humans to continue being a social animal is to embrace the idea of openness and flexibility of roles. Realization that just because my previous generation did things a certain way doesn't mean that is the only way things can be done and should be done today will take things a long way. There are no hard and fast rules for having a happy content family. You constantly have to re-calibrate and reform to ensure no one person is left to bare the burden of maintaining harmony. Compromise is unavoidable but that doesn't need to be at the cost of one's individuality. Open communication no matter how hard to say or hear is crucial and when cultivated will open the doors for the final phase of our evolution as social beings.  

Firsts in America

Where shall i begin? ... So an Indian [Original, not the one with mistaken identity] is now living in America, it begins the day i landed in the United States of America. I got to Tampa after a long flight of over 30 hours. Just a day or two before Christmas. I remember when i got here, i am deliberately being vague to give myself an air of unnecessary mystery. So i was saying, in fact the entire journey from Hyderabad to Tampa; start to end took an excess of 48 hours. My first purchase made in American Dollars, a heart stopping 11$ [Well roughly 700 rupees, you have to understand fresh off the plane, i was still on Indian currency] for a sandwich, was in the Dallas airport and my first meal since i set foot in America.

Technically i should count my first flight, my first time away from India, my first meal 30000 ft above ground, my first poop 30000 ft above ground [ i know i am going for cheap laughs but i couldn't not mention this comic gold], my first thorough inspection by an Indian Descendant airport security personnel [the British were too classy to even consider doing the security check themselves] in London's Heathrow terminal as part of - "routine security check" as my American firsts. But i will discount these as inevitable unavoidable mundane tasks of life when traveling on the perilous paths of the world.

Dallas Airport offered me more firsts, my first nightcap in an airport terminal, my first live football match [the American kind] on TV [i am not sure if watching 'The last Yard',' The Replacements', 'The blind side', 'The Game plan' etc counts as having watched a football match], my first night being upset that the AC was working too damn well, my first time talking to an ex - since i landed [ We all know these kinds of firsts have no end]. I wish i could say my first time struggle to sleep at night because of jet lag, but as i suspected i was already functioning on the USA timezone well before i left India, so i was perfectly fine. Now only if my mom could agree that back then when i said "I am staying awake all night preparing for my Masters", i was actually being honest.

After a short flight i landed in Tampa and here i have stayed ever since [It just has been ten months, i might be overselling it, so just clarifying] . I still have a hard time believing that i landed in Tampa with no confirmation on the place to stay or an alternative in case my expectations fell through. In retrospect i might have deserved the small stroke i got when the Leasing office at my Apartment complex wasn't certain if my apartment was available for me to take possession. After lugging three goddamn gigantic bags including one broken big-ass suitcase i was in no state to find alternatives. I would have just setup shop on the curb, still not sure whether doing that would have been legal or allowed or the bigger question safe.

I did get into my Apartment. The one i chose , far away from any possible comfort that one could draw from the herd. Though one good meal and a good sleep later, my decision to stay in a non conventional setting [typically, broke ass people like me who are dependent on money from India smartly stay together in unfurnished economical settings with more people in the apartment than the number of bedrooms in it] turned out to be the best decision i have taken in a long while. I found myself in a unique living setting [ at least as far as i know] with one black, one brown [that being me] and one white person in the apartment. Though ironically against most stereotypes my black roommate is the least black person i know [ however i am obligated to reveal that my knowledge of how black people act/behave or their culture is all drawn from tv,movies,youtube and internet so it is messed up to begin with], i am the least brown person they know and my white roommate is the least white person i know. I hope you do understand that when i say we are the least white/black/brown i mean metaphorically, our skin colours are in the truest sense black, brown and white. On that note the first time i was very conscious of the possibility of very distinct skin colours also happened when i got to America.

Now that shelter was taken care of, next item on the list of firsts to survive was food. I think i am safe to say - Like most Americans i walked into Walmart, considering Walmart is the biggest chain of stores in the World. It was my first Walmart but i can't call it my first brush with big commercial stores. My Indian friends would share my feelings, we have been to Super markets, Hyper markets, The Spencers, the Metros, The Big Bazaars - one stop shopping Indian style. Though there are distinct differences in the kind of stuff, quality, quantity and range that we would find in India to what i found in Walmart. The Produce [Indian version - Vegetables] aisle in Walmart is abysmal, there is quantity but there is no variety at all. The meat section however has an upper hand, not in the freshness aspect but in the types specifically: Pork, Beef and Turkey. I will end this first here and leave the debate of Fresh killed meat VS the frozen meats for another post.

 

I did manage to make a grave error in my hunt for food. As is my nature i went over board with my excitement to do everything and got more stuff than what i could carry. Despite the Walmart store being a few minutes away, the walk back took me half an hour with me huffing for air by the time i got home. Next on the agenda, establishing communications. Since the day i laid my hands on a cellphone, there was never a day that passed by without me having used it. But America forced me into not one , not two but ten days of life without a cellphone. A mix up and my nostalgia for the old days of freedom and peace resulted in me not immediately getting a new phone. Those ten days whatsapp[on my laptop] was my life line to communicate to people back home. It did help that it was the Holiday season [Christmas in America is like the Summer Holidays in India, we take a break when it is too hot, they take a break when it is too cold]. I walked around enough to be too tired to care about a phone.

A unique set of firsts, these should be common to most international students or immigrants who come to America, that relate to America but are not truly American occur during the first few months of arrival. People from back home try to showcase and re-affirm their knowledge of America, based of the stuff that they have heard of or have seen or expect it to be like in America. Typically most of those inquiries maybe not far off from the truth. But my staying in Tampa in a living situation that was not usual, made all those inquiries and my corresponding answers atypical.

Being December in America it was cold, but not too cold, there was no snow. I cooked but i was never big into home cooked meals so i didn't miss Indian food. I was happier being alone, comfortable in my own space. There was no cultural shock because the rest of the World is exposed, in some cases even overexposed to American culture. I was neither awed nor depressed that i was in America. It was a new place, a new start, i was excited for new experiences and more firsts but never overwhelmed. Equal rights - gender, race, sexual orientation etc were something i strongly believed in even when i was in India and they have only become more resolute since i have been in the states. I will say , there definitely is an appeal to America, that even though the World bitches about it, they still come here. It may at times get annoying but America is definitely a Free country, on most counts compared to the rest of the world. Though the Gun culture, a first, was one of the few things that was very difficult to wrap my head around. I still don't agree with Guns but i definitely understand why they are so integral to the American culture and history.

There are many parallels, many differences and many similarities that i will address in future posts. But I hope and believe there will always be many more firsts in/with/about America that i will experience and share with you. Throughout the post i have tried to do a better job at segue but i realized i suck at that and i could at the very least use the word in the proper context, job done! 

If you have any nostalgic firsts that you would like to share then please do comment and don't forget to share.

Clarification on my version of India and Hinduism

After more than a year of Modi's/BJP's government, for both being a Hindu and as one who voted for him/them I feel the need to clarify things. My actions, my vote I believe is being constantly misinterpreted by the fanatic right. They keep projecting me and others like me as a part of their rhetoric, one that I vehemently disagree with. My vote of support was pro progress not pro communal anti secular ideas. I am pro India not pro Hindutva. Actually I may be pro Hindutva too but that may not be the same Hindutva that the RSS or other right wingers project. Well debating the true essence of Hindutva as I or most of my generation see it is another facet to how the projection maybe getting distorted.

I will not talk for the masses but I will talk for the others who are like me. For us Hindutva has always been about tolerance, I choose to be identified as a Hindu not because of my religious adherence or reverence for one or many of the millions of gods in Hinduism but because I see Hinduism as a way of life. As being inclusive of ethnicity, cultures, religions, morality and foremost tolerance. The diversity of what it means to be Hindu is what holds me to it. The day it turns into a mutated rigid unyielding list of tenants that promote discrimination or fascist ideology I will as easily denounce my identity as a Hindu.

So after the elaboration on version of Hindutva that I believe in it must be easier for you to understand where I am coming from. Democracy in all its virtues is also flawed and anyone who thinks otherwise is just fooling themselves. I was among those people last year who rejoiced when the Congress was crushed and couldn’t even muster enough seats to take up the title of opposition. But I see the error in my thoughts. I apologise for celebrating a victory of a party which was in fact a failure of democracy and my nation. Democracy is at its highest efficiency with a strong opposition. Democracy is about keeping power distributed, enforcing accountability and moderation of either leftist or rightist extremism. But with this lope-sided mandate we might have caused skewing of all these balancing factors.

Going back to my vote, you have to realise the limitations and context within which the vote was cast for the person it was cast to. In a ballot you choose the best of what you have at offer. I cannot explicitly express my reasons why I chose to vote for the person. Any person may stand for a multitude of ideas or atleast that is what a politician is all about. Mincing different images for various demographics.  For the many ideas that Modi/his party stood for if I got a chance I would have told them that if they stick to their communal ideology I would rather have a corrupt guy who doesn’t discriminate who he screws over than the selective virtuous guy who only screws over one particular section of society.

I have caught myself praying on many occasion for the last one year, praying that Modi would make the right choice. There are multiple points of concern in my prayer itself. I didn’t pray for the government to take a right step I was praying about Modi, I and most of the nation has unconsciously accepted the fact that he is the sole centre of power. But that is completely anti democratic. Either it is our bias or a fact , in both looking upto a person and not to the system as the final authority that drives the nation is a bad bad sign. Secondly, I was praying not hoping because I knew we didn’t have the right proportions in the parliament that could moderate opposing points of view to reach a rational consensus. No one man or one group or one party can ever hope to represent the diverse needs or opinions of India. And as it stands this diversity is not representative and this worries me.

I take responsibility for playing a part in this. For being wilfully ignorant , for being short sighted, for becoming a part of the hysteria without understanding the right way the democratic form of governance was envisioned. I may be saying the same line that the right wingers are saying but what I mean and what they represent are not the same. India is India only because of its vast diversity; Hinduism is Hinduism because of its constant evolution. Because it is, for lack of a better analogy, like the river Ganges which is ever accepting a confluence of different rivers into a seamless unity while retaining it individual identity. Maybe I can put it more clearly if I summarise, for me being Hindu and being Secular are the same. I am secular so I am Hindu and I am Hindu so I am Secular. Hinduism is not a religion and telling yourself anything else is just a doctrine that you have accepted as truth. The day the diversity, religious/cultural/language/any other values is snubbed out that day India and Hinduism will cease to exist. I can’t reiterate enough that I am a Hindu but I am not anti anything unless the anything is bigotry, -ism of any kind, discrimination, intolerance and restriction of rights.

Eternal Dilemma of the Clueless Heart

Today i am going to tell you the age old story of a guy meets a gal and then all things go to Hell. The story/stories are not mine, as intellectual property they are but in another sense they aren't, they are your stories. If you have lived life the way it is supposed to then you would have lived through some of them them or at least a slight variant of them. Tales of how feelings, emotions, thoughts in a relationship get tangled, making things messy, indecipherable and confusing. Are you friends? Something more ? Something less ? Are you still friends ? Are you a couple ? Where does it all begin ? Where does it lead ?

I will give you the 360 degree tour of the ways your relationship could have taken. I am not an expert on the subject. Naah, who am i kidding trying to be humble, i am an expert on the Subject Period. And i am gonna give it to you Straight !

A guy spends quality time with you in huge quantities, the gal reciprocates the same with equal vigor. But take it a notch deeper and a field of possibilities unravel. The guy likes her but the gal only thinks of him as a friend, The guy wants to be friends and the gal wants more (This too does happen, maybe rarely but it is not a myth), both are in love but are afraid to lose what they have and act as if they are just friends, both are just friends but because everyone keeps telling them they make a great couple they become one. Add in to this pot the guy's girlfriend and/or the gal's boyfriend and you have a full on drama on your hands.

How many of you can with certainty say that you don't have any romantic feelings towards your bestest friend of the opposite gender ? or How many of you have not considered things were better with your partner when you were friends and that becoming a couple was a mistake ? I am not looking for the answer, don't lie to yourself just honestly answer it to yourself.

Usually no one is right or wrong in these cases. You can't ever be sure of what your feelings are. The possibility of rejection and pain are too daunting a risk. We as a species are not as daring as we project ourselves to be. We will take a plunge into the vast unknown space much more readily than dwell into human emotion, feelings and relations.

 

The line between friendship and love is truly thin. We have had the luxury of ignoring the proximity of the two at least amongst two people of the same gender but that too is changing now. Each one of us needs to be aware of where we stand because crossing over or staying back in the wrong situation has destroyed many lives. Humans as social beings need company and with the diversifying gender roles, Men and women interact more closely in new roles and contexts blurring the relational distinction lines further.

The confusion all begins with the fundamental approaches of both the genders to a relationship. I am not certain my philosophy about this dilemma applies to the entire world but for India at least my theory is foolproof. Indian culture breeds hypocrisy and ambiguity. This filters into our way of living, our choice of relationships and how we approach them.

Men in India can't approach a woman with an intent to date. (many may argue against it, i am aware that small pockets of strongly westernized groups do exist in India where this is possible but i am talking about the most prevalent contexts) So the only alternative that Men take to is becoming friends first and then down the line when they consider things suited express their interest to date. Here begins the mess. 

There are very few differences in the way a guy approaches a gal who he just wants to be friends with and who he wants to date. Even the few differences there are, most gals are totally oblivious to them. Most often depending on whether the gal is interested in the guy she interprets his friendship as just friendship or a step to something more irrespective of what the guy is trying to convey.

Then there is the closeted nature of  the typical Indian which will always throw a new reason for not expressing your true feelings to the other person. We fail to grasp the concept that feelings are not some rigid masses that once establish remain as it is for eternity. Friendship can bloom into love or it just can stay the same or shrivel away into nothing. 

Friendzoned is a term that exclusively gets associated with guys because in its core the concept is instinctive to woman and alien to men. Woman see friendship as the next best alternative when two people are not compatible or can't be a couple. For woman friendship is just another form of a relation that is as essential as love. For men friendship on most parts is one step short of love, a phase that you pass through onwards to your journey to becoming a couple. If a man's destination is love and you expect him to be happy by getting to friendship you are just mocking him. For men friendship is a means to an end called relationship/dating/commitment. Woman see becoming friends as a gain while men see it as a loss. 

Guys cut all ties when their advances get rejected, they don't even stay friends because that never was the goal. Gals on the other hand don't want to lose out the bond they have forged just because they refused the guy's proposal. 

Having said that i will like to clarify that men are capable of being just friends but then the chances are he is already seriously and genuinely committed to someone else or he is totally not attracted to you and to him you are basically another guy (for a heterosexual male and for homosexuals guys you are irrelevant anyway).

Gals if you are reading this get these points into your head :

• No single heterosexual guy who spends loads of time, energy, effort or money on you wants to be just friends with you.
• "I like you as a friend" doesn't make anything better. 
• You are only deluding yourself into believing that you are not guilty of giving him false hope. 
• You are just keeping him on the hook, if you truly wish him well you should cut him loose.

 ________________________________________________________

I will give you different contexts, comment your answers and see how men and women give different answers to the same contexts. There is not right or wrong but just two different answers. Most men and most women will have the same opinions. Do give your reasons for the choice you make.

__________

• Anjali and Arjun have been friends for more than a decade now. They know each other as well as any two individuals can possibly know. They care very deeply for each other and would do anything to see the other smile. They supported each other through some very bad relationships and life in general. They both are single and are looking to settle down. No arrange marriage in the picture, do they hook up or not  ?

 __________

• Anjali has always had a crush on Arjun. They were classmates in college but were never close. But lately re-connected over social networking and they have been getting along really well. But Arjun is committed and is going through a bad break up. Arjun will break up for sure, should Anjali take a chance with Arjun ?

 __________

• Arjun and Anjali got on like fire in the first year. Arjun and Anjali were in their respective relationships but when everyone started believing they were a couple it started to strain their relationships. They decided to go separate ways. Quit hanging out together, basically became strangers. 10 years down the line they both cross paths at their college re-union. Everyone can still see their chemistry but both are married now. Both their spouses(not the same ppl they were in relationship duirng college) know about Arjun and Anjali, Were Arjun and Anajali friends or more in the first year ? 

 __________

• Arjun loves Anjali. Anjali know Arjun as a friend of a friend. Arjun eventually becomes good friends with Anjali. Anjali is in a serious commited relationship with a loser guy. Anjali won't break up with the guy but the guy makes her life miserable, Arjun proposes , she asks him to be his friend, what should Arjun do ?

 __________

• Arjun and Anjali were in together for a couple of years. They broke up when they realised they wanted separate things in life. However they knew each other extremely well, had bonded very closely, knew each others deepest darkest secrets and were in love for a brief period. Both went their separate ways. Both had their share of ups and downs in relationships. Both have weddings fixed in the next couple of months. Both wish to become friends again. and stay friends. Everyone from Arjun and Anjali's closest family n friends know about their past relationship except their spouses, Should they be friends now ?

 __________

• Arjun met Anjali. There was instant connection, both fell for each other. But both were full of attitude and wanted the other to come forward and express their feelings. Both didn't relent and eventually became resentful fought bitterly and went their separate ways. Anjali went on to have a good relationship but the guy had an accident and died. Arjun had a really bad relationship went into depression and recovered. After few years Both meet, both are formal co-ordial, apologize and become friends.Both are single, What does Arjun want, what does Anjali want ?    

Excellent Chemistry, Horrible Timing !!!

You may think this cheesy and corny but when have i stopped because of what you think !!! 

If you do intend to read it then do so imagining a cheery voice in a folksy tune singing the words to you. Otherwise just don't read it !!!

So there she was busy as a bee, fluttering her angelic wings as she spread her dazzle across the floor minding her business. I noted her entry, fancied a glimpse but held up the act of indifference for i didn't want to be the regular chum awaiting her favor.  Lost in a haze of the then woes i let her walk out of my sight but she already had made a place in the core of my soul.

Inevitable as it was i kept bumping into her, fate or providence didn't let her out of my mind even when i didn't try. The least i could do was get to know her better, far as i maybe i wanted to be closer. It would be a miracle if perfection such as her was single but hope and love rarely travel apart. 

Admirers were aplenty, scores of peasants fell like reed swat by the wind seeking her attention. Routine was out of the equation, the long game was the only play open to exploration. Intel was scattered as amateurs with little heart had only gathered bits and pieces before losing the drive to see it to the end. It took time, patience and wit to spread the web, reel in the pieces to paint a solid picture.

Deeper i fell with the greater i learnt, how was it that such a soul hadn't walked into my life sooner than later. She shouldn't be out of sight no longer and as things would have it, a link opened up which i intend to fully use up. Patiently over time, covertly i let slip my fervor for her to the public at large, raising a clear mark for all my dear to clear away any feelings they may harbor. 

If things go on without a hiccup this wouldn't be life but a dream or a fairy tale. I was too late for there was already one, holding the palace of her heart. Crashing and thrashing was not my style i chose to withdraw to preserve my dignity and protect her tranquility. Devoid as i maybe of something amazing, her joy was too valuable to be squandered over my petty squabble.

Paths lead us away on separate journeys but somethings are never lost forever. After years something in me stirred me to try, try to make a contact to see what i gave up could be nourished. I hoped and wished for a better luck this time, things did improve but not how i imagined. She was as perfect as i perceived, i may go on to say perfecter than possible. However a thorn had now turned into a titan sword, thrust into my heart when the pain she suffers washed over my adulation and glee.

Bonkers is he for even blind and stupid would think twice before hurting her. The idiot has gone on to bring up the thought of ending it with her. Oh, i cringe whenever a tear trickles down her cheek, for every drop of precious is wasted on a loser who doesn't realize how lucky he is. Crushed with the realization that time had done all the damage it had to and somethings are too far gone to salvage. I retain my passion for her, many things have changed but love can never waver.  

A Heart's Monologue

On a stormy night, I was taking a walk in the park. A lightning bolt chose me as its medium to poke the ground. It could have split me vertically, incinerated every organ in my body, burnt me to a crisp but instead it decided to free my heart from the clutches of the man upstairs, my brain. The jailor was M.I.A. now, thoughts were dismissed from administration, a new found freedom unleashed a flood of emotions that had been under lock and key. As is the nature of water rushing down stream to envelope all that it can consume, the monologue will first devour then will settle in, to establish peace and lay out a way for serenity to take root.

~ Heart ~

 Unleashed - Unhinged - Unhindered - Uninhibited - Unapologetic - Unfiltered

I am not a toddler who begins cooing, moves to cawing, utters incoherent syllables, vocalizes random words, forms sentences, turns into an adult who loses touch with his/her core and becomes a socially accepted replica of self. I have never gone through these stages for i was always treated as a mute , under the anarchy of the brain, presumed dumb. I don't run on thoughts, i run on emotions. I feel, i convey. I am a simple muscle with simplistic duties and life. My voice is muffled on most occasions and even i agree the brain does it with the noblest of intentions, with the best interest of my host at the core but sometimes the best intentions are not the right choices. Today fate has broken my shackles and give me a voice loud enough to reach you. I fully intend to make this miracle count.

I pulsate to facilitate the dispersion of rejuvenating vital oxygen. I pulsate to infuse love into my host. I am hard wired to give away all that i hold conditionally as long as i keep receiving. Philosophers spout nonsensical stuff from their brains that sound true but lack emotional footing and say love is a one directionally flowing entity, well your heart disagrees and so do I. Response, reciprocation, return and reflection of emotions is what allows me to function relentlessly. Filtering and judging the intent, integrity and intensity of what gets sent to me is not in my nature. I ache when i falter, when i fall, when i make a mistake. Someone did say to err is Human and i am just being a devoted part of the whole. But i never give up, never lose hope for the day i do my host ceases to exist and that can only be at the end. I am built to walk, to pace, to strut, to jog, to sprint, to run not just for my host's physical actions but to respond to that special being whose absence maybe lethal to his existence.

Strength that i display cannot be measured, understood, calculated, calibrated, scaled or contained, it can only be perceived by another heart willing to share the space and time. The enormity of effort put into supporting another ailing heart is lost in the pleasure of alleviating another. But pain like energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be shared and broken into smaller pieces that can be ruminated and digested at leisure. I have endured tremendous courses of buffets endangering the entire process itself. Servicing is over due and the red signs are blaring away sounding irking alarms.

Always on the hunt for the sympathetic heart to lean on, to share with and to flourish alongside, my strength needs replenishing and the hunt has been more of a burden than a relief. Scars run deep , some crisscross as pain from the ailing heart and pain created by the ailing heart mingle. Imagine breathing under a few tonnes of cotton smothering your body. Cotton is soft, smooth, soothing and bliss but when it becomes painfully heavy you run out of things to do, routes to take.

Limitless tales of heart-ache come to me but it would be too much of a depressing narrative even for me. Will tell you of the most significant of them for a slightly altered version of this has/has been/is happening with you, listen closely and your heart will agree. My host laid eyes first, the bastard is the cause for most of my suffering and joy, ages ago with the brain barely registering the perfect mate in the hale of all that was visible to the eye. I screamed my throat away , urged my host to take notice, run after and embrace tranquility that was just a hand's reach away but who wants to lend an ear to the mute. 

Time, a best friend who obliterates the need to have any enemies, passed over. My overload, brain, finally did take notice, take out his check list of personality traits, qualities, habits, conditions and clauses. After a thorough analysis and re-runs decide that in the best interest of my host the idea was bad or too difficult or too risky or too complicated to pursue. I expressed my deepest opposition to the decision, i fret, i flutter, i fluster but my lord decided it was time to move on to a greener pasture. Time yet again, this time truly playing the role of my best friend, managed to sway my liege to take my plea seriously. A communication with the soul-mate was established, the connect thrived, flourished and bloomed. But spring was too short and uncooperative to allow the buds to bloom to a full. The bud shriveled out  under a relentless onslaught of colluding third party evil spawn who had vested interest in the life and choices of the mate. The mate's ruling brain was coerced into enraging and then subsequently disengaging all ties. All that is left now is a longing for a ghost connection that was too good to be erased or forgotten, too distant to be salvaged, too hopeless to be optimistic and the end too bad to be forgiven or to retry.

After the multitude of hits i have endured, i remain stubborn , foolishly optimistic and ideally romantic, wishing for a indistinguishably entwined harmonious synchronous heart. I continue to pester the most likable, love n all its verb forms being too cliched and most times wrongly over used words in any language, heart with all the care and attention that i can muster. Waves of anguish threaten to through me overboard into the pits of despair. I cling to the prow of the life boat with memories of the bygone mates, looking out for the land of dreams as an aspiration for posterity.   

I want You, I can't have You !

How often have we asked ourselves this ? Is our longing for what we can't have/left behind just a desperate attempt to hold on to something out of sheer fear of the new ? Why do we reach out only when the chips are down and out ? Will we reach out if we knew we could actually take the hand awaiting us ? Why are we so obsessed with what we want that we can't see the hand stretched towards us ? Doesn't it make us blind and just as wrong ? Aren't we like the dogs running after cars who do it just out of love for the chase ?

Do we blame our present ? Can't we get over our past ? Will we stop dreading the future ? 

Who :

Who defines your happiness ? Who holds you back from breaking the shackles of conventional norms ? Who defines your way forward ? Who do you hold out for ? Who is right enough for you so much so that you ignore all the their wrongs ?

What :

What is the point of regret ? What are you hoping for by reminiscing ?  What should we be doing for the one we love ? What did they do to deserve your life ? What meaning can you make out of the unknown ?

When :

When will you take responsibility for your life ? When will the end mark a new beginning ? When should you give up ? When do you not think of them ? When can they blame themselves for your expectations ?

Where :

Where in time can you live out your life ? Where are the differences lost ? Where are bonds  untied and unraveled ? Where should they back you from ? Where do their expectations fall in your priorities ?

Why :

Why does moving on mean letting go of your past ? Why don't you realize that burying is not accepting ? Why are the differences regained ? Why won't you talk to them till after it is too late ? Why don't we acknowledge their feelings ?

How :

How do you move on in life ? How does love limit you from falling in love again ? How complicated should life be to stop you from running in loops ? How can you miss them but only if you have free time ? How can you expect them to do the unexpected ?